helicopter parenting

What is helicopter parenting?   The term was originally coined by Foster W. Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay in their 1990 book Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility and basically means that helicopter parents "hover" over their children and are extremely (in all likelihood OVERLY) involved in every aspect of their children's lives.  


I'm not saying by ANY means that being involved in your child's life is a bad thing.  However I've been exposed to several parents I would ID as "helicopter parents" lately - and I have to be honest and say I don't think they're doing their children any favors.  


I would say I'm NOT a helicopter parent at all.  I allow Cassidy to get into situations where she might get hurt.  While I am going to avoid serious injury - I want her to take risks.  I remember reading somewhere (though I can't remember where anymore, but it was a research-based article) that children who take risks in play are better readers - because they learn not to be afraid of risks.  


An example of what I'm talking about - I let Cassidy climb up (and down) stairs.  I stay within arms reach because stairs are dangerous for a toddler, but I let her try them.  Today she surprised me by figuring out how to scooch down the stairs on her butt.  We were at a public place while she was doing that and I got several strange looks from other parents while she was experimenting.  You know the look I mean - that look that means "I can't believe she (me) is letting her (the baby) do that.  What kind of parent is she?!?!"


I have a friend who has a niece the same age as Cassidy and she describes her nieces parents as the helicopter type (though she's never used that term).  She has compared Cassidy and her niece "A" and has noticed that Cassidy did (almost) everything earlier than "A".  She crawled earlier, stood earlier, cruised earlier, walked earlier, talked earlier and continues to talk more.  Part of me is shallow and childish and wants to sing "Ha-ha - My babies smarter than your baby!"  But mostly I wonder if it comes down to the experiences that we let Cassidy have.


I am not a perfect parent - at all.  But I think that me being OK with my child getting hurt (within reason!) may be one of the best things I can do for her.  

Just for shrieks and gigggles

This week has been one that is both full of joy, and a real test on my patience.  

Let me start this by saying - I love love love being a mom.  I do, and I love the time that I spend with my daughter.  And there are things that happened this week that have really helped to prove that.  

For example:  Earlier today I lay down and took a nap because I had an awful headache.  Cassidy was also napping, and my husband had just gotten home from lunch out with a friend so I knew he'd take care of things when she woke up.  And he did - but a couple of hours later I woke up to a little voice at the door saying "Mama?" When I opened my eyes and she saw I was awake she came barreling into the room at full speed to jump up and down til I picked her up all the while saying "Mama! Mama!"  When I picked her up she gave me a sweet little kiss and snuggled in for one of her rare hugs.  And that one moment (temporarily) blocked out the fact that we'd had a rough morning, a rougher church service, and that I still had a huge headache.  

And there are lots of moments like that.

But we're going through a separation anxiety stage (so late I thought we'd missed it entirely) and she refuses to be away from Mama.  

Examples:

Last week at church when I took her to the nursery so I could teach Sunday School she spent the first 20 minutes banging on the door and screaming "Mama, Mama, Mama".  She was so loud that I heard her from all the way down the (very long) hall and through two sets of closed doors.  And I had to go get her because she was upsetting the other children in the nursery.

Yesterday Daddy tried to take her to the store.  She screamed the whole way from the house to the car, but we thought "Oh she loves the store, she'll calm down when she gets there."  Wrong.  My poor husband had to drag a screaming, crying toddle through the grocery store.  She kept trying to get away and when he put her down on the ground she ran to the door (of the store) screaming "Mama! MAMA!"  And so he brought her home, forgetting to get half of the groceries and having to go back to the store.  

Thats not to mention that his feelings were (are)  very hurt.  

I know this is normal - but it's not normal for her!  Cassidy is one of the happiest, most social children I've ever met - and she always has been.  SIGH  I suppose we'll get through this too - but I hope it passes quickly!

P.S. In other news I've lost another 1.5 lbs for a total of 6.6!  It's slow going, but it IS going so 6.6 down 78.4 to go (I tell you I can't wait until the first number is bigger than the second!)