Bottle Drama

It is 3:56AM as I begin to write this.

Why in the world am I up you may ask.

Well, I was trying to be a good mama, but now I feel  like a bad mama.

I've been wanting to wean Cassidy off her bottle since her first birthday.  I decided that I would wait until I was done with work for the summer so that Colin and I would be working together so that we could be consistent and make this as painless (ha) as possible.

First I would like to say that she only gets bottles at nap and at bedtime (and one time during the night when she wakes up - but that is usually just water).  We've been cutting down the amount of fluid in the bottle for about a month now, but we weren't very good at being consistent with that.  So.  After doing some research (with the majority of people saying that it's not a big deal - let them do it on their own.  But I don't want a 3 year old still having bottles!  anyway . . . . ) I decided that I would dilute the milk (and only offer milk) and then start by cutting out the middle of the night bottle.

Well, tonight was the first night without the middle of the night bottle.  See, I thought that this one was more of a habit than anything else because she almost always woke up between 12 and 12:15 when Daddy gets home from work and then its only water.  So, in my mind - no big deal right.

WRONG.  It's 4:02.  She woke up around 1:45 - and its only in the last 3 minutes that the screaming and crying stopped.

I tried offering a sippy cup.  I tried rocking her.  I tried patting her.

I have NEVER seen my child tantrum the way she did tonight.

We did NOT give in and give her the bottle (because I knew that would just make what we went through worthless by teaching her that if she screamed enough she'd eventually get the bottle).

But boy did I want to.

I feel like a bad mommy, letting her scream and cry like that.  Now I'm questioning myself - wasn't she ready?  Why are you forcing this on her?  Etc.

She's been quiet for almost 10 minutes now.  I think she's finally asleep (I've been fooled before when she paused to gear herself up for round 2 . . . and round 3 . . . and round 1820948092750984302 . . . ).

The question is - do I do it again tomorrow night?

Just for shrieks and gigggles

This week has been one that is both full of joy, and a real test on my patience.  

Let me start this by saying - I love love love being a mom.  I do, and I love the time that I spend with my daughter.  And there are things that happened this week that have really helped to prove that.  

For example:  Earlier today I lay down and took a nap because I had an awful headache.  Cassidy was also napping, and my husband had just gotten home from lunch out with a friend so I knew he'd take care of things when she woke up.  And he did - but a couple of hours later I woke up to a little voice at the door saying "Mama?" When I opened my eyes and she saw I was awake she came barreling into the room at full speed to jump up and down til I picked her up all the while saying "Mama! Mama!"  When I picked her up she gave me a sweet little kiss and snuggled in for one of her rare hugs.  And that one moment (temporarily) blocked out the fact that we'd had a rough morning, a rougher church service, and that I still had a huge headache.  

And there are lots of moments like that.

But we're going through a separation anxiety stage (so late I thought we'd missed it entirely) and she refuses to be away from Mama.  

Examples:

Last week at church when I took her to the nursery so I could teach Sunday School she spent the first 20 minutes banging on the door and screaming "Mama, Mama, Mama".  She was so loud that I heard her from all the way down the (very long) hall and through two sets of closed doors.  And I had to go get her because she was upsetting the other children in the nursery.

Yesterday Daddy tried to take her to the store.  She screamed the whole way from the house to the car, but we thought "Oh she loves the store, she'll calm down when she gets there."  Wrong.  My poor husband had to drag a screaming, crying toddle through the grocery store.  She kept trying to get away and when he put her down on the ground she ran to the door (of the store) screaming "Mama! MAMA!"  And so he brought her home, forgetting to get half of the groceries and having to go back to the store.  

Thats not to mention that his feelings were (are)  very hurt.  

I know this is normal - but it's not normal for her!  Cassidy is one of the happiest, most social children I've ever met - and she always has been.  SIGH  I suppose we'll get through this too - but I hope it passes quickly!

P.S. In other news I've lost another 1.5 lbs for a total of 6.6!  It's slow going, but it IS going so 6.6 down 78.4 to go (I tell you I can't wait until the first number is bigger than the second!)

"Mama"

This has been an interesting morning.  Cassidy is just fine playing in the living room and watching Dora (Backpack, backpack - she's singing right now as I type this).  But then - she sees me and its "MAMA - MAMA - MAMA - MAMA!  She doesn't want anything (or at least nothing I can figure out) but as soon as she sees me it starts.  She's actually been doing this for about 4 days now.  I am officially tired of hearing the word Mama.  

Ok, I know that's not true.  I remember the first time she said Mama I almost cried.  The first time she said it and  I knew she meant me I did cry (just a little).  I also know that if she never said it again I would feel terrible.  

But - I am looking forward to nap time (T minus 42 minutes and counting) so that I'll have a break from the constant cry of "MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA!" every time I pass by.

Oh the little things in life . . . 

Yay me!

No time for a real post BUT I lost 3.1 pounds this week for a total of 5.1 lost since I started (2 weeks ago, lol). I'm super excited!  Hope it keeps up!

Weighing in on weight loss

Well, I did it.  I weighed myself.  Week one is done and the result: I've lost 2 pounds!

I'm very happy that I lost those two pounds.  I worked REALLY hard this week and I (subconsciously, I think) kept telling myself if I could lose just 2 pounds this week it would be worth it.  And I did it.

But I can't help but feel a little disappointed too.  I think part of me was hoping it would be more.  It probably doesn't help that my WiiFitPlus informed me (before it told me my weight) that I'm still "obese".

I know its going to be slow going and hard work.  And I prepared myself for that.  I guess I just didn't realize that I would be discouraged so easily.

I know in reality that this past week was a success - I just have to believe it!

So I'm beginning week two - hope I'm just as successful this week as I was last week!

Cheat Day = Epic Fail

So as you may remember from my post here this week was a momentous one for me in that I jumped on the Weight Watchers bandwagon and dedicated myself to that lifestyle change that is weight loss.

If you don't know how Weight Watchers works you can check their website out.  But, the basic premise is that food is assigned points based on certain criteria (fat, carbs, fiber, and protein).  You have a certain number of points you can use each day (based on your weight, age, gender, and whether you are trying to lose weight or maintain your weight-loss).  You also can earn extra points for the activity (exercise) that you do.  Also you have 49 points each week that you can use for extra treats - or as many of my friends do on their diets - to have a cheat day.

So far, so good.  I've been feeling really positive about my choice, and haven't really felt that I've really had to give that much up.  I have to admit that I've been almost fanatical about keeping track of the food I eat and making sure that I stick strictly to my daily points.  I decided early on that when I started this I would need to be fanatical about it in order to make sure that I stick to it.  I knew if I wasn't exacting I would fail - I'm kind of an all or nothing type of girl!

I also felt that in order for me to not get frustrated or feel cheated or just want to give up I would need to be able to eat the "junk" that I like.  So I decided that I would (like so many others) have a "cheat day" each week where I could use the 49 weekly points (being that my daily balance is currently 37 - this is more than doubling my allowance).  This week I decided that I would have my cheat day today!  I knew I was going hiking in the Carlisle/Mt. Holly area - the location of my all time favorite pizza place.

Somehow, I have failed at cheating!  And its a cheating that is acceptable and even encouraged!

I DID go to the pizza place, and I DID get pizza AND chicken strips and fries (to split with Cassidy).

I did NOT however go over my daily points value.  At least not yet!  I ate only a little bit while I was there and brought the rest home, so I guess its possible that I'll want to eat it later.  But unlikely.

Who FAILS at eating whatever they want in a 24 hour period???


On a side note - tomorrow is the big day - where I weigh in for the first time.  Cross your fingers and hope that I lose weight (even if it's just a little)!

Temper Tantrums and Potty Break

Cassidy has been growing like a weed.  She is so tall that dresses size 18month are too short on her (and she's only 14 months old)!!!!  She is talking more and more (new words include: baby, puppy, night night, bear, mickey, Gram and many more).  She is using a spoon to feed herself and manages to get most of it in her mouth even.

Unfortunately we've also begun to encounter the dreaded TEMPER TANTRUM.  Cassidy will hit, scream, and/or throw herself down on the floor to cry when she doesn't get what she wants.  It is decidedly unpleasant.  I'm hoping that it will pass quickly, but it so far it is not fun.

Another interesting development - could my baby be ready to potty train?  The past two days when she pees or dirties her diaper she goes off by herself, squats, and does her business.  Then she comes back to either me or Gram (if she's at Gram's house) and grabs the front of her diaper and says "peepee".

Could this mean its time to buy a potty?  Now don't get me wrong - I don't want to push my baby girl into something she's not ready for.  But - I also don't want to wait if she's ready.  I can't believe that a baby so young would be ready to potty train, but I suppose stranger things have happened . . .

Waitinng for Weight Loss

Every new mom (and many not-so-new-moms) feel the burden of the extra weight they gained during - and sometimes before - their pregnancy.  I was the same.  I was also determined to be at my goal weight by Cassidy's first birthday.  Initially I was driven and stuck to it. By the time I went back to work in August after the summer break I'd lost over 40 pounds.  Yay me!  Unfortunately I let life get in the way and slowly slipped back into bad habits.  About 3 months ago I weighed myself and found that I'd gained about 5 pounds back.  Not to bad, but there was no way I was going to even lose all the baby weight by Cassidy's birthday, let alone get to my goal.  I decided to make a new goal and get back in gear.  I thought I was doing really well.  Slipping up here and there, but overall improving my eating habits.  I switched to diet soda (most of the time) and tried to stop snacking.  I started eating popcorn instead of chips and chicken instead of steak. 

Sounds good right . . . ?  Well, apparently not so much.  I weighed myself for the first time in those 3 months today, and was devastated to find out I had GAINED 9 pounds!!!  So, I am at (gulp) 225lbs.  Yes you heard me.  As humiliating as it is to admit that I weigh that much it is more humiliating to KNOW that I weigh that much. 

The time for excuses is over.  No more "I just had a baby".  No more "I only had time for McDonald's" and no more "But I really wanted  . . . ".

So, I joined Weight Watchers Online today.  I know several people who have had success using the program and I hope that I can be sucessful too.  Scratch that - I WILL be successful.  Today a friend/co-worker of mine and I created a motivational presentation based on Yoda's famous words "Do or do not, there is no try."  And there's my motivation - I'm not going to TRY to lose weight.  I'm going to DO it.  I'm going to need some help and some support, but I will get there.

Finding a Routine

One of the great things about my job is that I'm contracted to work the same schedule as school year teachers (plus a couple of extra weeks on each end of the school year).  Which means that with Easter comes Easter break!  So I've been off work for the last 6 days.  I've really enjoyed spending the extra time at home with Colin and Cassidy.  Colin and I actually got to go out on a date!  And Cassidy and I slowly started to get into a new bedtime routine.  Our routine until this point has been - no routine at all. 

So, our bedtime routine is now. Bath at 6PM, followed by a 15 minute tantrum from 6:20 - 6:35 when I take her out of the tub and attempt to get her dressed (we're working on this). Then we visit with Daddy, the volunteers, and (sometimes) the guests upstairs in the main part of the (Ronald McDonald) House.  Then we come back home, read a story and I lay her down with a bottle (also trying to get rid of this - but its a slow process).  Sometimes she takes the bottle and goes right to sleep and sometimes she plays and sometimes she fusses, but usually she's asleep between 7:30 and 8. 

Not too bad of a routine, especially when you consider that we didn't really have one before.  My worry is that when I get back to work (TOMORROW!) our routine is going to fall apart.  Now she hasn't really suffered from the lack of routine - but I think I have! 

Arhg.  Well until this point I've been trying to live in the moment and enjoy whatever is happening with our little family as it happens rather than missing the past or worrying about what comes next.  So, I guess the best course of action is - no action at all.  Whatever happens, happens! 

Doritos, Harry Potter, and Housework

My little girl is growing up!

So . . . having a baby - I mean TODDLER! - that manages to find every little piece of everything on the floor and eat is means that having clean floors is a must. However, anyone who knows me knows that a combination of back/hip issues and a complete aversion to anything resembling housework means that this could present something of a problem for me. 

That said, my floors are not in the best shape.  SO - I did what any responsible parent would do - I hired someone to come and clean them for me.  She's coming on Wednesday.  At 9 o'clock in the morning.  This presents a problem.  As anyone who has ever lived with me can attest - I'm one of those people who is quite comfortable living in clutter. 

So, I need to clean my house before the person who is coming to clean my floors shows up - and I only gave myself 2 days to do it.  So today I worked my usual 8 hours, picked Cassidy up from Gram and Papa's house and brought her home to play a bit.   A little over an hour later I packed her, my briefcase, and her diaper bag up to head to a 2 + hour meeting.  So I brought her home (2 hours after her bedtime), read her a story and put her too bed - she's currently singing to herself despite the fact that she should be sleeping. 

So, I finally have time to clean and what am I doing?  Eating Doritos instead of dinner and writing on my blog while watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (part 1) in the background.  Am I being productive - not so much, will I regret it tomorrow - very much. 

Being a grown-up is such a pain in the butt. 

Back in the Saddle

Ok, so I'm a terrible blogger.  It' been so long since I've posted that I can't even remember when it was without looking (which I didn't do).


So I'm going to give this another shot.

Cassidy is now officially a toddler.  She turned one 9 days ago and is getting so big!  Her birthday party was totally great and she dove into the cake like a seasoned professional. 

She's been walking for almost 2 months and is now starting to run.  I can't believe how fast she is!  Her latest thing is trying trying to say what we say.  Usually all we can pick up on is one sound (usually a vowel) from the word and the intonation.  It's hysterical to say the least.  She loves to be outside and we take her out as much as we can (when its not perpetually raining). 

Well, I could go on for hours, but it would be mostly nonsensical rambling so we'll pass on that. 

Hopefully this attempt around will be more successful.

Welcome 2011

So, traditionally at the onset of a new year I look back and remember the year that passed.  This past year has been . . . well an interesting one!  Lots of changes.

*Steven got married (to Ashley, 2/5/2010)
*we had the most awesomest baby EVER after an extremely difficult pregnancy, 5 weeks of bed rest and a looooooooooooong labor (4/7/10)
*I started a new job as an instructional coach - making the transition out of the classroom
*I started a SECOND job as the Director of Children's Ministry at the Fishburn UMC.
*visited the in-laws in Texas
*stayed in a (gorgeous) beach house for the first time ever
*Michelle and Adam got married (10/9/10)
*Cassidy was baptized
*Celebrated Grandma Kratz's 75th birthday
*Celebrated our first wedding anniversary
*lost (at least) 45 lbs - but I haven't weighed myself in like 4 months so I don't know if that one counts!


*****and I'm sure a million other things - but between two jobs, a baby and a husband my brain and my body are super tired and I can't think of anything else right now!


So . . . looking forward to next year:

*as typical I'd like to lose weight.  My long term goal: 150, but no, I'm not telling you how many pounds that is
*I'd like to continue my commitment to remaining positive - too often I find myself bogged down by all the negativity out there - so I'm trying to always share the positive things that are going on
*be the best mom and wife I can be
*get our finances into a healthier place and save some money
*be more organized at work and at home

All in all - I just want to enjoy my daughter and my family

So . . . even though its a little late - Happy New Year Y'all!

BORED BORED BORED

I was so SO excited for my time off (from December 22 - January 3).  I couldn't WAIT for it to get here.  And now that I've been off for a week I am bored out of my mind.  Don't get me wrong - I had a great Christmas and am enjoying the time with my husband and my daughter.  BUT - there is only so much I can do to occupy myself at home.  When I haven't been playing with (and taking care of) Cassidy I've watched a lot of bad TV and spent way too much time surfing the 'net.  We don't have money, so that limits my options, but I'm ok with that - its not that I need to spend money to have fun, its just that having money would give me other options (like going to the  movies, or buying a new book). 

I'd say I need a hobby, but most of the time I don't have the time or energy for a hobby. 



This all just reinforces my belief that I am not meant to be a stay at home mom.  At all. 

Ugh.

Merry Christmas

So . . . it's been a whole month since my last post.  A combination of not having Internet access at home for over a week, and therefor getting out of the habit of posting and the craziness of the holiday season. 

Lots has happened, most of it good. 

Cassidy has been learning new things like crazy.

- pulls herself up to standing
-walks around the interior of her playpen and holding onto someones fingers
- claps
-nods her head (sometimes it seems like she's saying "yes" but mostly I think she just thinks its funny)
-crawls everywhere
-eating all kids of "big people" foods
-makes kissing sounds with her tongue

She has also developed an obsession with penguins.  I've never seen her get excited about anything as much as she does penguins (except for maybe her aunt Bre).

She's growing so fast and so much!  My little TINY baby who swam in her newborn clothes and wore her 0-3 month clothes until she was almost 6 months is now 8 1/2 months and wearing size 12 month clothes.  She's also becoming really playful and talkative. 

Speaking of talkative . . .

Last night we went to church for Christmas Eve.  My church does two services on Christmas Eve - the first of which is child and family centered.  I've always enjoyed it and last night I was really excited to see how many children were there.

BUT . . . despite the family oriented atmosphere, not everyone was tolerant of the children in attendance.

Cassidy was very talkative during the service and on a number of occasions I caught the eyes of people who were turning to glare at me in a "would you shut that kid up?" kind of way.  (Of course, many of them then realized that I was the pastors daughter and therefor Cassidy was his granddaughter and then quickly changed their tune). 

But the point is - she wasn't crying and she wasn't being disruptive.  She was just . . . . talking.  People seemed to think that I needed to remove her from the service.  I think that's ridiculous.  I've never felt that way about other people's kids and I definitely don't feel that way about my own. 

Now I'm not saying that everyone was like that - there were a great many people who said how nice it was to see/hear us and all that.

I guess I shouldn't let the other people get to me, but sometimes all it takes it is one bad apple to ruin an experience. 

Christmas today was really great though (despite all the garbage from the night before).  My awesome husband got me a Flip Video so now I can record Cassidy's milestones.  She was really hyped up and excitable all day - even if she didn't really get the whole present thing.  We've spent the day with my family just hanging out, eating, and playing games.  Tonight - football. 


Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Thinking Thankful

Today was a great day.  I'm not one that usually gets all excited about Thanksgiving, but I do really enjoy getting together with my family and today was no exception.  We had good food (ok great food) - I made a pumpkin pie from scratch for the first time and it totally rocked!  And we had a lot of fun playing Wii and Blitz (a card game similar to BlackJack for those of you not in the know). 

Even though I'm not a big Thanksgiving enthusist I thought I'd mention a few things I'm thankful for.

*I have an amazing husband who loves, respects, and supports me.
*I have a wonderful daughter who completely lights up my life.
*I have an amazing family that I love dearly and that I know will be there whether we're laughing or crying.
*I have 2 jobs that I enjoy - even though I wish I made more money.
*I have a place to call home
*I have a few select people that I can call friend
*I have my health (I know a lot of people say that - but I haven't always been healthy)
*I have everything I need and then some.

Its harder than I thought to make a list of things I'm thankful for.  I realized though, that this isn't because I'm not thankful, but because I'm happy and so I don't need to put things on a list - cause its pretty much all gonna be there. 

So . . . Thanks!

New mom/life struggle

One of the hardest things for me as a person has always been keeping my house/apartment (hell - my bedroom when I was a teenager) clean.  I'm a slob.  And for the most part I've always been comfortable with it.  Colin is also a slob - although slightly less comfortable with it (he gets embarrassed and frustrated by it - though never changes his ways).  To be honest though, I'm definitely a bigger slob.  And again - I've never really cared.

However - we now have a 7month old baby who is starting to crawl.  So being a slob - not such a comfortable thing anymore.  I get frustrated with myself because I can't/don't keep my house clean and that is not a good thing for my baby.  I have lots of friends who say its so easy and that I just have to set my mind to it.  But they're all neat freaks.  No offense meant!  I don't have a clue how to break a habit that I've had all my life. 

It's not like I grew up in a dirty house - my parents are neat and organized and keep things clean.  And its not like I never cleaned before.  Every couple of months we would buckle down and scrub the house from top to bottom. 

I don't even mind cleaning - though its not on my list of favorite ways to spend the weekend. 

I think the biggest problem is the clutter.  I don't put stuff away.  Ever.  And when we added the baby we tripled the clutter in an already crowded and tiny apartment. 

So now I have to figure out how to change this part of my life because I want my daughter to grow up in a house that is not a cluttered mess. 

Grrrgh. 

On a happier note - Cassidy made her first forward motion crawling yesterday.  We're still mostly scooting backward - but its a start!

Rough days and sleepless nights

So I started this blog then I have hardly written in it.  I must apologize.  This past week was the worst one I've had since I started working for Head Start.  I can't/won't go into detail - but I will say this: Teachers out there: when you have a year that's THIS BAD - its not the kids, its not the curriculum, its not the supervisors, its YOU!

OK I'm done.

On top of a rough night Cassidy has had several rough nights in a row.  She's only been sleeping for 30 - 45 minute intervals.  It sucks.

So when I get some sleep and when I can put coherent thoughts together I will be back.

If I'm not back before then - Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Rebecca

Working Mom

So today was my own personal Take Your Daughter to Work day.  

I was supposed to have yesterday off for Veterans Day - but due to scheduling things I ended up working.  So my supervisor let me work a short day today.  So I took Cassidy with me.  We had a blast and she was totally the hit of the office.  She was REALLY well behaved and I actually got everything done that I needed to get done today.  I'm very fortunate to have such a well behaved baby.  I wouldn't take her every day though!

 On the subject of work. . . .

I'm a working mom - and I'm OK with that.  I love my daughter and I love spending time with her- but I would be a horrible stay at home mom.  I think that its great when mom's can stay at home to raise their kids.  For most of my memory my mom either worked at home or was home when we got home from school.  It's just not me!  And I'm tired of being made to feel guilty about it! 

We are very fortunate that my husband (Colin) and I have different schedules and he is home with her for the majority of the day and I get the evenings.  With my parents so close she stays with them for the 2 hours of overlap that we have 4 days a week.  He's a great stay at home dad and he really enjoys it. 

And still - despite the fact that it is 2010 and many many women work outside the there are those who are surprised and even critical of the fact that I work!  (Note: my husband and family are supportive and I appreciate that)

Point in case: Recently I met a couple of other moms in a playroom at RMH with their kids.  Conversation ensued and I was enjoying it at first - until I made a comment about something that happened at work.  And both women stopped what they were doing and looked at me totally aghast.  One of them said "You work?" with a tone that set me aback.  I explained that my husband stayed home and I worked and they seemed shocked that I would work when one of us doesn't have to (they didn't seem to realize that we BOTH work) The conversation suddenly took a turn and the new topic: How important it is for a MOM to stay home with their children. 


Cassidy and I left the playroom.  I was really angry - and it still burns.  How does me working mean I love my child any less?  (Answer - it doesn't!)

First things first

My first blog.

I'm not entirely sure how I fell about that.  This blog has many purposes.  First - we have friend's and family all
over the world and I am not good about keeping in touch with people AT ALL.  So with a 7 month old baby who is growing and changing all the time it seemed like a good way to let them all know what's up with our lives.  Second - I work two jobs and have a seven month old baby.  With my husband (Colin) and I working opposite schedules I don't get a lot of opportunity to have adult conversation that doesn't revolve around the needs of kids.  So I'm looking to the net . . . I guess we'll see how it goes!  


Since we're just getting started together here are some interesting or maybe some not so interesting, facts about me and my family:

♥  Our names are Colin Bryant Lee Powell (35), Rebecca Lynn Kratz Powell (26), and Cassidy Brenna Powell (7 months)

♥ Colin and I have been together for 3 years and 8(ish) months

♥ We met at work and knew each other a little less than two months before I talked him into going out with me.

♥ After 2 and a half months we moved in together – got engaged after a little over a year, and got married on our two year anniversary. 

♥ We were told to expect to have trouble getting pregnant so we decided to try earlier – and bam!  We got pregnant ON THE FIRST TRY!  After four months of marriage we were moving from a couple to a family!

♥ We love to travel – we’ve taken a few trips to Texas, gone to Niagra Falls, Washington DC, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, and Ireland

♥ We have a somewhat reversal of the traditional roles in our house.  Colin stays home during the day with Cassidy while I work then works part time in the evening.  He also does the majority of the cooking and cleaning and I pay the bills and take care of the car.  It works for us. 

♥ I love my life.  There are things I’d change but I’m pretty okay with the way things are.  So this blog will be about all that.  The ups, downs and everything in between!

Going . . . going . . . . gone . . . .