Bottle Drama

It is 3:56AM as I begin to write this.

Why in the world am I up you may ask.

Well, I was trying to be a good mama, but now I feel  like a bad mama.

I've been wanting to wean Cassidy off her bottle since her first birthday.  I decided that I would wait until I was done with work for the summer so that Colin and I would be working together so that we could be consistent and make this as painless (ha) as possible.

First I would like to say that she only gets bottles at nap and at bedtime (and one time during the night when she wakes up - but that is usually just water).  We've been cutting down the amount of fluid in the bottle for about a month now, but we weren't very good at being consistent with that.  So.  After doing some research (with the majority of people saying that it's not a big deal - let them do it on their own.  But I don't want a 3 year old still having bottles!  anyway . . . . ) I decided that I would dilute the milk (and only offer milk) and then start by cutting out the middle of the night bottle.

Well, tonight was the first night without the middle of the night bottle.  See, I thought that this one was more of a habit than anything else because she almost always woke up between 12 and 12:15 when Daddy gets home from work and then its only water.  So, in my mind - no big deal right.

WRONG.  It's 4:02.  She woke up around 1:45 - and its only in the last 3 minutes that the screaming and crying stopped.

I tried offering a sippy cup.  I tried rocking her.  I tried patting her.

I have NEVER seen my child tantrum the way she did tonight.

We did NOT give in and give her the bottle (because I knew that would just make what we went through worthless by teaching her that if she screamed enough she'd eventually get the bottle).

But boy did I want to.

I feel like a bad mommy, letting her scream and cry like that.  Now I'm questioning myself - wasn't she ready?  Why are you forcing this on her?  Etc.

She's been quiet for almost 10 minutes now.  I think she's finally asleep (I've been fooled before when she paused to gear herself up for round 2 . . . and round 3 . . . and round 1820948092750984302 . . . ).

The question is - do I do it again tomorrow night?

Just for shrieks and gigggles

This week has been one that is both full of joy, and a real test on my patience.  

Let me start this by saying - I love love love being a mom.  I do, and I love the time that I spend with my daughter.  And there are things that happened this week that have really helped to prove that.  

For example:  Earlier today I lay down and took a nap because I had an awful headache.  Cassidy was also napping, and my husband had just gotten home from lunch out with a friend so I knew he'd take care of things when she woke up.  And he did - but a couple of hours later I woke up to a little voice at the door saying "Mama?" When I opened my eyes and she saw I was awake she came barreling into the room at full speed to jump up and down til I picked her up all the while saying "Mama! Mama!"  When I picked her up she gave me a sweet little kiss and snuggled in for one of her rare hugs.  And that one moment (temporarily) blocked out the fact that we'd had a rough morning, a rougher church service, and that I still had a huge headache.  

And there are lots of moments like that.

But we're going through a separation anxiety stage (so late I thought we'd missed it entirely) and she refuses to be away from Mama.  

Examples:

Last week at church when I took her to the nursery so I could teach Sunday School she spent the first 20 minutes banging on the door and screaming "Mama, Mama, Mama".  She was so loud that I heard her from all the way down the (very long) hall and through two sets of closed doors.  And I had to go get her because she was upsetting the other children in the nursery.

Yesterday Daddy tried to take her to the store.  She screamed the whole way from the house to the car, but we thought "Oh she loves the store, she'll calm down when she gets there."  Wrong.  My poor husband had to drag a screaming, crying toddle through the grocery store.  She kept trying to get away and when he put her down on the ground she ran to the door (of the store) screaming "Mama! MAMA!"  And so he brought her home, forgetting to get half of the groceries and having to go back to the store.  

Thats not to mention that his feelings were (are)  very hurt.  

I know this is normal - but it's not normal for her!  Cassidy is one of the happiest, most social children I've ever met - and she always has been.  SIGH  I suppose we'll get through this too - but I hope it passes quickly!

P.S. In other news I've lost another 1.5 lbs for a total of 6.6!  It's slow going, but it IS going so 6.6 down 78.4 to go (I tell you I can't wait until the first number is bigger than the second!)

"Mama"

This has been an interesting morning.  Cassidy is just fine playing in the living room and watching Dora (Backpack, backpack - she's singing right now as I type this).  But then - she sees me and its "MAMA - MAMA - MAMA - MAMA!  She doesn't want anything (or at least nothing I can figure out) but as soon as she sees me it starts.  She's actually been doing this for about 4 days now.  I am officially tired of hearing the word Mama.  

Ok, I know that's not true.  I remember the first time she said Mama I almost cried.  The first time she said it and  I knew she meant me I did cry (just a little).  I also know that if she never said it again I would feel terrible.  

But - I am looking forward to nap time (T minus 42 minutes and counting) so that I'll have a break from the constant cry of "MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA!" every time I pass by.

Oh the little things in life . . . 

Yay me!

No time for a real post BUT I lost 3.1 pounds this week for a total of 5.1 lost since I started (2 weeks ago, lol). I'm super excited!  Hope it keeps up!

Weighing in on weight loss

Well, I did it.  I weighed myself.  Week one is done and the result: I've lost 2 pounds!

I'm very happy that I lost those two pounds.  I worked REALLY hard this week and I (subconsciously, I think) kept telling myself if I could lose just 2 pounds this week it would be worth it.  And I did it.

But I can't help but feel a little disappointed too.  I think part of me was hoping it would be more.  It probably doesn't help that my WiiFitPlus informed me (before it told me my weight) that I'm still "obese".

I know its going to be slow going and hard work.  And I prepared myself for that.  I guess I just didn't realize that I would be discouraged so easily.

I know in reality that this past week was a success - I just have to believe it!

So I'm beginning week two - hope I'm just as successful this week as I was last week!

Cheat Day = Epic Fail

So as you may remember from my post here this week was a momentous one for me in that I jumped on the Weight Watchers bandwagon and dedicated myself to that lifestyle change that is weight loss.

If you don't know how Weight Watchers works you can check their website out.  But, the basic premise is that food is assigned points based on certain criteria (fat, carbs, fiber, and protein).  You have a certain number of points you can use each day (based on your weight, age, gender, and whether you are trying to lose weight or maintain your weight-loss).  You also can earn extra points for the activity (exercise) that you do.  Also you have 49 points each week that you can use for extra treats - or as many of my friends do on their diets - to have a cheat day.

So far, so good.  I've been feeling really positive about my choice, and haven't really felt that I've really had to give that much up.  I have to admit that I've been almost fanatical about keeping track of the food I eat and making sure that I stick strictly to my daily points.  I decided early on that when I started this I would need to be fanatical about it in order to make sure that I stick to it.  I knew if I wasn't exacting I would fail - I'm kind of an all or nothing type of girl!

I also felt that in order for me to not get frustrated or feel cheated or just want to give up I would need to be able to eat the "junk" that I like.  So I decided that I would (like so many others) have a "cheat day" each week where I could use the 49 weekly points (being that my daily balance is currently 37 - this is more than doubling my allowance).  This week I decided that I would have my cheat day today!  I knew I was going hiking in the Carlisle/Mt. Holly area - the location of my all time favorite pizza place.

Somehow, I have failed at cheating!  And its a cheating that is acceptable and even encouraged!

I DID go to the pizza place, and I DID get pizza AND chicken strips and fries (to split with Cassidy).

I did NOT however go over my daily points value.  At least not yet!  I ate only a little bit while I was there and brought the rest home, so I guess its possible that I'll want to eat it later.  But unlikely.

Who FAILS at eating whatever they want in a 24 hour period???


On a side note - tomorrow is the big day - where I weigh in for the first time.  Cross your fingers and hope that I lose weight (even if it's just a little)!

Temper Tantrums and Potty Break

Cassidy has been growing like a weed.  She is so tall that dresses size 18month are too short on her (and she's only 14 months old)!!!!  She is talking more and more (new words include: baby, puppy, night night, bear, mickey, Gram and many more).  She is using a spoon to feed herself and manages to get most of it in her mouth even.

Unfortunately we've also begun to encounter the dreaded TEMPER TANTRUM.  Cassidy will hit, scream, and/or throw herself down on the floor to cry when she doesn't get what she wants.  It is decidedly unpleasant.  I'm hoping that it will pass quickly, but it so far it is not fun.

Another interesting development - could my baby be ready to potty train?  The past two days when she pees or dirties her diaper she goes off by herself, squats, and does her business.  Then she comes back to either me or Gram (if she's at Gram's house) and grabs the front of her diaper and says "peepee".

Could this mean its time to buy a potty?  Now don't get me wrong - I don't want to push my baby girl into something she's not ready for.  But - I also don't want to wait if she's ready.  I can't believe that a baby so young would be ready to potty train, but I suppose stranger things have happened . . .

Waitinng for Weight Loss

Every new mom (and many not-so-new-moms) feel the burden of the extra weight they gained during - and sometimes before - their pregnancy.  I was the same.  I was also determined to be at my goal weight by Cassidy's first birthday.  Initially I was driven and stuck to it. By the time I went back to work in August after the summer break I'd lost over 40 pounds.  Yay me!  Unfortunately I let life get in the way and slowly slipped back into bad habits.  About 3 months ago I weighed myself and found that I'd gained about 5 pounds back.  Not to bad, but there was no way I was going to even lose all the baby weight by Cassidy's birthday, let alone get to my goal.  I decided to make a new goal and get back in gear.  I thought I was doing really well.  Slipping up here and there, but overall improving my eating habits.  I switched to diet soda (most of the time) and tried to stop snacking.  I started eating popcorn instead of chips and chicken instead of steak. 

Sounds good right . . . ?  Well, apparently not so much.  I weighed myself for the first time in those 3 months today, and was devastated to find out I had GAINED 9 pounds!!!  So, I am at (gulp) 225lbs.  Yes you heard me.  As humiliating as it is to admit that I weigh that much it is more humiliating to KNOW that I weigh that much. 

The time for excuses is over.  No more "I just had a baby".  No more "I only had time for McDonald's" and no more "But I really wanted  . . . ".

So, I joined Weight Watchers Online today.  I know several people who have had success using the program and I hope that I can be sucessful too.  Scratch that - I WILL be successful.  Today a friend/co-worker of mine and I created a motivational presentation based on Yoda's famous words "Do or do not, there is no try."  And there's my motivation - I'm not going to TRY to lose weight.  I'm going to DO it.  I'm going to need some help and some support, but I will get there.